Avoid Being Lost in Loneliness

Dear Friends,

It is so easy to get lost in loneliness. Loneliness can creep up on anyone at any time. Everyone has felt lonely at one time or another! When a loved one dies, or a person gets a divorce, or ends up homeless, they naturally encounter loneliness. Therapists call this situation loneliness because it is a temporary condition. Situation loneliness is different from chronic loneliness in that chronic loneliness thrusts the individual into a destructive cycle. A cycle that one could refer to as being lost in loneliness.

“If a person with a high need for connection suffers a loss or fails to nurture relationships, they are at a greater risk of falling into chronic loneliness”, says John T. Cacioppo, co-author of “Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection”.

Loneliness is an equal-opportunity affliction. It does not discriminate. So many find themselves lost in loneliness.   

There is growing evidence that loneliness increases the chances of diabetes, sleep disorders, high blood pressure, and even Alzheimer’s disease. “Lonely people have more miserable lives,” says Cacioppo, “and earlier deaths.”

Unlike treatment for depression, there are no pills or established therapies for loneliness. Loneliness is only now being recognized as a distinct mental health issue.

When we find ourselves like seeds buried in the dirty places of loneliness and homelessness, we tend to rush for something, anything to fill the darkness and loneliness. When we do this, we miss what God desires to do in our lives as we rush to find security in the world’s light.  This can result in our destruction. 

The bird that had built its nest under a light on my back porch is an example of such destruction.  When I came into the back porch entrance, the bird fled the nest it had built. 

Instead of rebuilding its nest in a tree out of the light, that bird built its nest once again in the same location.  For two weeks, I proceeded to enter the house from a different entrance so I would not disturb this bird.  After looking out the window and not seeing it for two days, I investigated the matter further.  It was then that I discovered parts of the little bird’s body scattered on the porch along with two babies that had just been hatched.  A cat had caught the bird asleep in the nest, under the light, and proceeded to destroy it and its young ones.  

The Bible tells us that the devil walks around like a roaring lion seeking those abiding in the light of the world that he may devour them.  That is why we must remain in the will of God even when it means being in those lonely, dark, dirty places.   Instead of trying to return to the world’s light, we must remember that we are not alone, for Christ is with us. He has sent the Holy Spirit and the angels to directly assist us as they turn those dark, dirty places into good, nourishing soil.  

In the midst of the dark places, we are promised an angelic inheritance which is described in Psalm 91:9-12 (NIV) where it says, “If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the Lord, who is my refuge –then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”   

Elisabeth Elliot, who has experienced the death of two husbands, wrote, “if the loneliness of the dirty places can be a wilderness, it can also be a pathway to God.”  By faith, we can see that pathway where God turns the lonely, dark, dirty places into nourishing spiritual soil and Jesus declares, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  When Elizabeth Elliot stated that loneliness “can be a pathway to God,” she was challenging us to transform loneliness into solitude with God.

Elliot goes on to explain that because of the sin that entered the world, “loneliness now means pain. The other aspect of being alone is solitude, which need not mean pain. It may mean glory. Loneliness is a wilderness, but through receiving it as a gift, accepting it from the hand of God, and offering it back to Him with thanksgiving, it may become a pathway to holiness, to glory and to God Himself”.  

Jacob was on the run and almost lost in loneliness. He was homeless. You could say life appeared, at the moment, like a disaster. If we look up the word “disaster,” we see that the word is made up of “dis,” which means separation, and “aster,” which means star. When we are facing a disaster, it is easy for us, like Jacob, to feel totally alone, separated from the stars, others, and even God Himself.

That night, Jacob must have gone to sleep feeling separated from God and everyone else. But as he fell asleep, he must have prayed, because he was able to receive what God was saying to him. In Genesis 28:12-15, God assured Jacob that he was not alone, nor was he separated from the stars. He gave Jacob “a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it.” (Verse 13) In the dream, God goes on and assures Jacob that He is with him in verses 14, 15.

I must ask myself, “Is my heart and mind open to the extent that God could place a dream within me? Do I recognize His voice when He speaks to me?” The phrase “the voice of the Lord” is used seven times in Psalm 29:3-9. In John 10:27, 28, Jesus says, “My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of My hand.”

The question is, can we hear the voice of Jesus to the extent we are not lost in our loneliness? Can we let God use that loneliness as a pathway back to Him? Jacob did as he took the stone that he had used for a pillow and set up a pillar of worship before the Lord. Then he declared, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it” (Verse 16).

Jacob went forth from that place and allowed the dream to burn in his heart. He hung on to the words of the Lord when He declared, “I am with you and watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”(Gen. 28:15 NIV)

For twenty years, Jacob hung on and kept working for his uncle Laban. He trusted the promise of God and let the dream burn in his heart. Moving from loneliness to solitude involves the realization that God is with us.

The powerful presence of the Almighty can fill the vacuum of loneliness in a way that no human is capable of doing. That is why Psalm 68: 4, 5 (NIV) says, “Sing to God, sing praises to His name. Extol Him who rides on the clouds—His name is the Lord—and rejoice before Him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows” (that includes widowers also) “is God in His holy dwelling.”

God does not just fill us and then send us forth as spiritual lone rangers. Psalm 68 goes on and declares, “God sets the lonely in families, He leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

The Almighty One, our Emanuel, gives each of us a choice. We can respond to His love and allow Him to place us in the family of believers, or we can remain lost in loneliness and rebel against God’s will for our lives. This is done by shutting ourselves off from God’s love and the love of others. Such rebelliousness results in us living our lives in the sun-scorched land of loneliness and despair.

The day came when Jacob took his family and left his uncle. He continued on his journey. Jacob is now alone, and in his loneliness, he finds himself wrestling with God. When God saw that He could not break the self-serving independence that still existed in Jacob, “He touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched” (Gen. 32:25).

Now broken and surrendered, Jacob is alone. Jacob wanted the blessing of the Lord more than ever and began to engage in push prayers. He prayed until something happened. In verse 26, Jacob declares, “I will not let You go unless You bless me.” This isn’t a cry for more materialistic goods. It is a desire for God to change the very essence of his being. Jacob’s prayer is answered, and he is given the new name of Israel. “So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, ‘It is because I saw God face to face and yet my life was spared!’” (Gen. 32:30). The next day, Jacob and his brother Esau are reunited.

In the midst of our loneliness, are we seeking God?  Do we desire the blessing and assurance of His presence that accompanies a total surrender to Him?  When we do this, our heart and mind will open up to the needs of others, as we let the love of God flow through us to others.

When it comes to overcoming being lost in loneliness, it is critical that we get beyond ourselves and reach out to others through the love of Jesus Christ.  For that reason, volunteering is so important.  Brad Edmondson, in an article in the AARP magazine entitled “All the Lonely People”, states, “only 28 percent of those who donated their time to a school, hospital, or other non-profit organization in the past 12 months are lonely.  This compares with 41 percent who had not volunteered.” 

Dorcas McLaughlin, Associate Professor of Psychiatric Mental Nursing at St. Louis University, states, “Research in this area has found that people who participate in volunteering have a greater sense of well-being, which decreases stress and depression.”

So, if you feel lost and lonely, slipping more and more into the world of chronic loneliness, let the love of Christ flow through you as you get involved in helping other people.  Emily White, who wrote the book “Lonely,” says if we don’t want to be lost in loneliness, we must “start with education.  Learning about loneliness can be a powerful tool in responding to it.”  She goes on to say, “I know now that I am vulnerable and that loneliness will probably re-emerge in my future.  But I have learned that connection is critical.  If I work to keep loneliness at bay, that is what I’ll do.”

If we are going to avoid being lost in loneliness, we must work to remain steadfast, immovable, abounding in the work of the Lord by helping others. We must refuse to let bitterness and depression cause us to be lost in loneliness as we let forgiveness and love flow through our lives. As we do this, we will be letting loneliness become a path to God and others.

We need to stand in solidarity with those who are hurting and remind them they are not alone.   Christ is there along with the Holy Spirit and the angels.  He has commanded us to be there also declaring, “As often as you have done it to the least of these, even so you have done it unto me” (Matt. 25:40).

Jesus has also told us that in the last days the love of many would grow cold.  As this happens, He reminds us we would not be alone.  He will be with us always, even to the end of the world (Matthew 28:20).  In addition, Jesus has promised to send His comforter, the Holy Spirit.  There are also the angels, those wonderful ministering spirits who are available to those who will inherit salvation (Hebrews 1:13, 14). 

Thank God we don’t have to be lost and lonely because “It is the blood of Christ which cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:9 NIV).   Because of this cleansing, we have not only hope both now and for all eternity, but we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus who loves us (Romans 8:37).

This is not a time for us to be lost in loneliness but to stand steadfast in faith, always abounding in the work of the Lord.  We must never forget that we are not alone in our battle against the principalities and powers.  Truly, “greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). 

Don’t live the rest of your life and all of eternity alone.  Turn to Jesus now and discover you are not alone.  For throughout the scriptures and the wonder of creation, we see that “He will never leave us nor forsake us” (Hebrews 13:5).

Yours in Christ,

Larry Rice