God's Peace in the Storms of Conflict

“Why are you always like this! You never listen to me. You never care about me. All you do is just think about yourself!” Resentment, anger, distrust, and pain fuel these statements. I believe it's safe to say that every single person has experienced conflict in their relationships. We have all made statements like this, or worse, to loved ones, family, friends, coworkers, and strangers. Conflict in our relationships is a fact of life. It is as sure as death and taxes. Christians are not immune to conflicts, just as they are not immune from sin. The Bible exposes the true nature of conflict, and how Christians can experience peace in ways unbelievers can’t. Today, we are going to look at how conflict tears at the seams of our unity in Jesus Christ, and the steps God offers to experience peace in the storms of conflict.

The root of all conflict in our relationships is sin. There are thousands of examples of conflict in the Bible, but I want to look at a unique one that is often overlooked. I believe when we look at the advice given to two women in conflict, we can learn 5 steps to peace that God offers to His children.

          Paul wrote a letter to his beloved church at the Roman colony of Philippi. This letter is called the letter of joy, because Paul commands this congregation to rejoice so often. Paul’s purpose was to encourage this congregation in the midst of terrible persecution, and help them to unite as one body in Christ. He is concerned that pride, or conflict may tear at the seams of their unity in Jesus, and that the persecution will discourage them in their faith. He calls out two women by name, exhorting them to agree in Jesus. Paul says, “I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.” Philippians 4:2-3 ESV

          Can you hear the concern in Paul’s voice? He wants nothing more than these two women to be reconciled in Christ. The conflict doesn’t just impact Euodia and Syntyche, but hurts the entire church. How have you experienced the trickling effects of conflict in your life? Conflict has a nasty tendency to blind the two sides from the effects of personal sin. Euodia and Syntyche are at war, each raising their own defenses and launching their own attacks. This conflict is tearing at the seams of their relationship with God, and others within the congregation. What was once a united, healthy, and peaceful relationship is in danger of becoming cold and lifeless. Paul wisely calls others to walk alongside these two women, to reconcile and experience the peace of God in their conflict.

          Underneath every conflict in our relationships lies the potential for real spiritual harm. Conflict blinds us to the effects of our personal sin. We make the sins of others big, like a tall, unscalable mountain, while we make our own sins appear small and insignificant. This is a terribly dangerous way to think about ourselves and others. Conflict also draws our hearts away from God. We begin to think that God is less good than the Bible says He is, because of the conflict and the pain it brings with it. It is hard to see God for who He really is when our hearts are filled with resentment toward others. Conflict naturally breaks up what used to be a healthy relationship. Sin is the root of all conflict, and when sin remains undealt with in a biblical way, our relationships naturally suffer. Our hope for peace rests on God, who offers us help when we obey His commands.

          In Philippians 4:4-9, Paul breaks down 5 steps Christians can take to experience the peace of God during conflict. These steps build on each other, leading to a well-rounded approach to resolving conflict and glorifying God in our relationships.

          The first step Paul commands the Philippians to practice may seem completely crazy when members of the congregation are stuck in conflict. Paul says, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say, rejoice.” Philippians 4:4 How can we rejoice when we are stuck in conflict with others? The trick is to view the conflict in the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are all members of the body of Jesus Christ. That means that by grace through our faith in Jesus, we can use the conflict to draw us to joy. When we pause to praise God for His great grace toward us, AND His grace toward the person we are in conflict with, we can rejoice!

          The gospel reminds us that God’s love and mercy toward us comes from a place of grace. It is an undeserved gift that He freely offers to us in Jesus Christ. To rejoice in the Lord, we have to grasp the incredible truth of the gospel on our own sins. We have to really believe that we are freely forgiven and are now new creations in Christ Jesus. Then, we will be able to extend that same grace and love toward others. What naturally follows is joy in the victory Jesus has won over our sin!

          The second step Paul offers to the congregation in Philippi is just as important. He said, “Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand.” Philippians 4:5 The word “reasonableness” can be translated as gentleness, lenience or tolerance. Conflict produces the opposite of reasonableness. It breeds harshness, stubbornness, and intolerance. When we are in conflict with others, we think and act like a rough, heavy stone. We become immovable, as hard as granite, and just as sharp when in conflict.

          Paul offers some encouragement and some warning with one simple statement, “The Lord is at hand.” Because the Lord is at hand, He will help you when you pray for reasonableness. He is near to you, even in the midst of your conflict. The Lord has not abandoned you, nor left you to fend for yourself. This is a great encouragement when we are struggling in conflict with others. This statement also offers sharp rebuke to those who think too highly of themselves.

          “The Lord is at hand,” so humble yourself and strive to be reasonable in your conflicts. The Lord is near, and He knows your heart better than you do. Conflict has a way of making us quick to speak, slow to listen, and swift to become angry. James exhorts the Church in James 4:6 saying, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Jesus Christ is near, and He is opposed to all forms of pride. When we struggle with others in conflict, we should remember that our Lord is near, and humility is what pleases Him. He will give us the grace we need to endure the conflict at hand.

          The third step Christians take to experience God’s peace in conflict fights anxiety with prayer. Conflict naturally sprouts anxiety in our lives. We lose sleep, worrying about what the other person might say or do. We fear the consequences of our sin, we fear the cost of reconciliation, we fear our reputation being ruined, we fear being found out.  Paul says this concerning the fear and anxiety conflict can produce, “6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” It is when we truly understand the power of prayer and praise to help during our conflicts, that we experience the peace of God.

          How does prayer and praise help us fight the anxiety conflicts produce? Prayer and praise give us a Godward perspective of the conflict. Instead of focusing on the sins of the other person, or on the consequences you may face, prayer turns your heart and mind to the Lord for help. Converse with God over the conflict, asking Him to expose your own heart and humble you. Then ask God to move in the other person’s life, using this trial to make them look more like Christ. Finally, give thanks for the blessings God has given you through this conflict. Praise God for the ways He can creatively use this conflict to cause you to grow in faith.

          God wants His children to fight fear with faith. We do that by having the right perspective, and we gain that right perspective through prayer and praise. God promises that He will offer His peace to protect our minds and hearts in Christ Jesus. Our minds and hearts need the protection of God’s peace most when we are engaged in conflict with others. This promise assures us that we can approach our conflicts with God’s grace when His peace protects what we believe and think about.

          I used to struggle a lot with fearing the opinions of others. I wanted other people to think highly of me so much, that I would bottle up my feelings. I believed if they knew how I really felt they wouldn’t like me or spend time with me. All these pent-up feelings would lead me to have arguments in my mind with people who weren’t even around me. These fake conflicts would have real consequences, as they changed the way I treated others around me. It was only when I applied this text to my conflicts that I experienced the peace of God. This peace keeps our minds and hearts focused on the truths laid forth in God’s Word. It protects us from the lies of Satan and the World, which seek to fuel our conflicts. 

          The fourth step Paul gives to the conflicted church in Philippi is to set their minds on all that is good. Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” When we are in the middle of conflict, our minds are filled with the pain, the confusion, and the anger of sin. We think about how unjust the other person is being. We tend to assume we know their hearts and minds and can perfectly predict what they are about to say or do. When our minds are filled with all that is bad, or negative, or painful about the conflict, we can’t glorify God.

          God wants us to view the circumstances and people we are in conflict with through the lens of the gospel. Paul calls us to think about all that is like God, and to assume the best about the circumstances and people. This step takes practice, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can take our thoughts captive and submit them to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:4-6 says, “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. The key idea here is that God cares about the thoughts we entertain. It is possible to change the way we think about people and circumstances, when we submit these thoughts to God in obedience to Jesus.

          The final step Paul offers in this incredible text is found in Philippians 4:9. He says, “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Paul calls the church to imitate himself as he strives to imitate Jesus Christ. It takes a lot of practice to change the way you handle conflicts. Paul did his best to live as an example before the church, while he taught them the gospel. Imitating Christians who are further in their walk with God is an important step to growth in Christ. Paul offers the promise that when we imitate mature Christians, the God of peace will be with you. These five steps offer real hope and encouragement to Christians struggling in conflict. God has a purpose and a plan, even when His children sin against one another.

          I want to be clear that what Paul proposes in this passage is not easy. It takes a lot of work, practice, time, and effort to resolve conflicts in a way that pleases God. The disciples struggled with Jesus’ teachings on this as well. In Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus offers one of the most powerful parables to describe how God’s children should resolve their conflicts.

          “Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” Matthew 18:21–35.

          Every conflict is an opportunity to preach the gospel to yourself and your brother and sister in Christ. God has a redemptive purpose behind the conflict, and my hope is that this sermon has helped you see His good design behind it.

Yours in Christ,

 Chris A. Rice